So, I returned to my homeland.
I practically had to start my life from scratch. Nine years of living in another region had severed all my former connections. I could only rely on my own strength. In order to start earning money, I decided to open my own office, where I would consult people on Tarot. I have already had remote clients (as I said, esotericism always ran parallel to my worldly pursuits). They began to come to me face to face and I began to recommend new people, and somehow, miraculously, I began to be able to make ends meet. However, money was still scary for me. Therefore, I decided to try to rent a bigger place, where I could do my yoga classes in the evenings and my Tarot consultations in the mornings and afternoons. I asked around, and I found enough people who wanted to join me. I was motivated a lot.
Nevertheless, as soon as I did, new problems arose. All those, who had promised to join the yoga classes, for various reasons began to drop out: someone moved someone's children were in the hospital; someone else changed his mind, and instead of yoga signed up at the gym. Instead of the expected 15 people, there were four. I was on the verge of despair. It was time to pay my next month's rent and I knew I could not do it.
Against the backdrop of what was happening I collapsed. For three days, I lay on my couch and realized that I could not even move. I could not say that I had any specific pain. However, I had a fever and total powerlessness. I tried to analyze what had been happening to me lately, but I realized that I could not find any answers. The sensations of my own physical body were giving me some strange excruciating pain: it seemed as if my muscles were separating from my bones and every joint and ligament was in pain.
In addition, in this state, the same voice said, "You need to get shamanic initiation. You would not believe it, but after these words I began to laugh hysterically, it was so unexpected and strange. I began to think that I was going crazy. Nevertheless, after a while I calmed down and realized that with this it is necessary to do something. To begin with, understand where to look for real shamans, because until then I had no contact with this part of the esoteric tradition.
The great achievement of the 20th century - the Internet - did not let me down. It turned out that in Russia shamans live in Siberia. It became clear that my way is there and we must begin preparations for the trip. Of course, it was scary to take a loan (the road, training and initiation cost quite a large sum), it was afraid to go to a distant unknown land, it was afraid to run into unscrupulous people. However, I decided to trust my invisible keepers and clues, which systematically led me to something new...
P.S. As it turned out later, my three-day incomprehensible illness was a "shaman's disease", a shaman's disease - a harbinger of initiation and formation of a future shaman.